“Grown-up people do not know that a child can give exceedingly good advice even in the most difficult case.” 

 ^{Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot}

A year or two ago I was in St Petersburg for an industry exhibition. I searched the guidebook for an interesting, non-business restaurant not too far from my hotel. We were with an vegetarian colleague so there needed to be a good selection for him to choose from too. I came up with The Idiot – after the eponymous book by Dostoyevsky part of which I understood had been written on the premises. It’s a wonderfully eccentric place, stuffed with bric-a-brac and dusty-looking oil painting, and with backgammon, checker and chess sets provided, all to a background of jazz. And as they say endearingly on their website, “we are happy to provide you quality service and English-speaking stuff.”

Eating at The Idiot includes a complimentary shot of vodka, but if you were feeling a bit more adventurous you could set yourself up for these mushrooms with their Crime and Punishment cocktail – as they describe it – “Crime (ours) and Punishment (for you) – Vodka, Martini, Cognac, Champagne”

These mushrooms go well with a sausage cake to become a full-blown lunch.

Also, as a lunch, they are sublime on sourdough toast, served with a salad dressed with fresh lemon juice and a walnut oil dressing – the quantities below would serve two. Make the accompanying salad out of a couple of baby gem, with the dressing being the juice and zest of half a small lemon, 4 tbsp of walnut oil, smoked salt and some generous grinds of Indonesian long pepper.

This dish does not freeze well.

Recipe for Russian Mushrooms in Cream

Serves 4 as an accompaniment – or you can make in four individual oven-proof ramekins and serve as a starter

Ingredients

• 600g/1 lb 4 oz Portabella mushrooms
• 1 leek (this is optional)
• 120ml/½ cup double cream
• 55g/2 oz/¼ cup grated cheddar
• smoked salt, Indonesian long pepper
• a few grinds of nutmeg (if you are having trouble with your nutmeg grater go here to find a good one)
• a walnut of butter for frying

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 210°C (use the top right Aga oven).
2. Take off the tough outer leaves of the leek and slice about half of the white section very finely – throw away the rest or use it for stock.
3. Put a knob of butter into a frying pan and begin frying the leeks gently – this will take about 15 minutes.
4. Peel and roughly slice the mushrooms.
5. Fry the mushrooms with the leeks.
6. Take out the mixture and arrange artistically in a shallow dish – a quiche dish is ideal.
7. Season generously.
8. Mix most of the cream, grated cheese and nutmeg together and pour over the mushrooms – if it looks moist enough don’t add more cream but otherwise add the rest. Sometimes the mushrooms produce a lot of liquid of their own – you need to take that into account.
9. Put in the oven for about a quarter of an hour – don’t let it burn so, especially if you have an Aga, keep a watch on it.

For more on vodka try these links: The low-down on vodka and The Best Vodka on an Eastern European trip.

^{This post is dedicated to Jonathan Parr, with apologies for booking him into a cupboard complete with red light on the ground floor of a St Petersburg hotel.}